i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
