Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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