her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
