I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
