i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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