That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
