Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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