those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
