I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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