dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
