He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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