He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
