yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
