Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
