i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
