i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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