don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
