May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
