yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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