I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
