White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
