see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
