god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
