i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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