woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
