I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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