I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
