We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
