mondays should just be called national damage control day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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