I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
