if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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