i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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