Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
