Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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