Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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