From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
