I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
