I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
