Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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