I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
