Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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