Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Someone shit on the floor
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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