Please, let me fuck your mom
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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