I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
