I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
