Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
