I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
