Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
