We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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