so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
